Learning how to coach yourself is a skill you will need to develop over time. But once you understand it, and apply it to your life, you’ll never be the same! Get ready to experience more joy, more fun, & more freedom than you ever thought possible.
They say you’re the accumulation of the top 5 people you hang out with. I have to say I agree. If you really want to get to know who I am, the people I hang out with most are
- Brooke Castillo
- Jody Moore
- Rachel Hollis
- Brooke Snow
- Jocko Willink
- Amy Porterfield
Of course, none of these people actually know who I am, but that’s okay..the one thing all of these amazing people have in common is coaching. They are all powerful coaches who change lives. Since I want to be just like them, I hang out with them as much as possible through listening to their podcasts, reading their books and getting coached myself. I feel like I know them so well. If you want to improve yourself for the better, start hanging out with the right people. You’ll find your people by doing exactly what I am doing.
I have learned an insane amount from each of these unique leaders. My style of coaching was developed from a combination of Brooke Castillo’s model from the Life Coach School, & my vast nutrition background which is really the best of both worlds in my opinon. When a client comes to me with a problem (say they’re struggling in a marriage), I can coach them through that problem using Brooke’s model which I’ll teach you in a second, then we can address problems associated with the problem – they’re probably emotionally eating, buffering with food, social media, or self sabotaging in some way. With my nutrition background, we can devise a plan that works for their body and schedule & implement a self care routine. So in coaching calls, we cover the mental aspect as well as the physical aspects too. I might suggest certain supplements, vitamins , or a specific diet for them to try as well.
The Coaching Model (as taught by Brooke Castillo)
Today I want to walk you through the coaching model and how you can solve any problem in your life using this tool.
Because your brain is such an intelligent, intricate, curious workmanship, you have neural pathways you’ve built up since you were a child. Think of them like a super highway going from one end to the other. When you attach to a belief such as “I’m not good enough” or “Nothing ever works out for me” – your brain starts to look for evidence that it’s true. And your brain will find tons of evidence so you can develop that super highway in your brain even more. But the first thing you need to do is really ask yourself “Is this belief serving me?” Is it true that you’re not enough? Or that you’re worthless? Can you absolutely know for certain that this is true? That’s one question Byron Katie asks her clients to ask themselves…”Can I absolutely know that it’s true”. Since we absolutely cannot know for certain that you’re worthless or not enough, then we know this is just a thought you chose to believe. It can’t be proven in a court of law that you are worthless and not enough. This is a thought you’re choosing to believe on purpose. Why do you want to believe this thought? How is it serving you?
Thoughts create feelings, feelings create actions
From the thought “I’m not enough” – It’s creating a certain feeling inside of you. Locate a one word feeling. It could be sadness, loneliness, frustration, anger, guilt, shame…just think about how that thought is actually making you feel. From that feeling, how do you show up in your life? What actions are you taking? For many of my clients, it’s inaction or self sabotage. They get stuck in confusion because of this lie they are believing. Then they don’t make progress towards the life they really want to live. And this is the beautiful thing about coaching. Coaches can really dig inside your brain and uncover these hidden beliefs you didn’t even know were buried in there because your brain is constantly working on autopilot without you having to think deeply about things.
Once you see the thought that’s driving the action in your life, which is getting you a result you ultimately don’t want, well now things get fun and interesting. Now we can decide on purpose what we want to believe, think, feel and do with our lives. There’s no depending on others for our self worth. There’s no comparing our lives to other peoples. We realize its just us and how we want to live. It’s a beautiful, freeing thing.
Teenagers & Drama
Teenagers have a really hard time with this. They think their feelings are caused by other peoples actions. Let’s say you’re being left out of group at school. The truth is, this really isn’t a problem until you have a thought about it. You might feel rejected, lonely, sad or depressed. Which stems from some kind of thought like “I am not enough”, “no body likes me”. It wasn’t the group that made you feel that way. You made you feel that way with the thought swimming around in your brain. This is eye opening once you gain awareness over the situation.
Could it be possible that being left out of a certain group is a blessing to you? I wonder how that is true? Being left out of a group helps you explore who you really are and the kind of people you really want to be around. I wonder how that could be true? These are thoughts you can choose to think instead. Ultimately, you could get to the thought, “People leave me out and that’s okay. I’m not for everyone and I got me. I like me.” Can you imagine the kind of teenagers we’d have in this world if they could all manage their emotions this way? They’d truly be in emotional adulthood and not emotional childhood. – We’ll cover more on emotional adulthood in a future post.
Is it really that simple?
Is it really as simple as that? Change my thoughts? YES! It really really is. But it’s going to take practice. Lots of practice. Even daily practice to catch the thoughts in your head that you think are just facts.
Here’s a common one “My family is dysfunctional”. You think that’s a fact because your brain has found all kinds of evidence to back that thought up. But what does it mean to be dysfunctional? Everyone’s definition is different. And since we all can’t agree, then this is a thought and not a fact.
Knowing that, how do you want to think about your family now? You can still choose to believe that they’re dysfunctional. If this isn’t causing a problem for you or your relationship with them, then by all means, keep it. And how do we know if it’s really causing a problem for you? By the way the thought makes you feel. Do you feel uplifted and inspired by that thought? Are you filled with love? Or does this thought make you feel like an outsider only wanting to create more distance between you and your family. Let me counter the previous thought with another thought. “The members of my family aren’t perfect. They’re humans doing the best they know how. Sometimes that’s not very good in my opinion, but I can still love and accept each one as they are. And I love and accept me.” When you show up around your family with the thought “these people aren’t perfect and that’s okay”, it gives you permission to open up the relationship and love them more. Your life transforms to a harmonious place.
When your life is in a harmonious place, good things happen for you. When your brain try’s looking for evidence that they’re all dysfunctional, become aware right away that you’re brain is doing this as a way of survival. But tell your brain “It’s okay, I know you’re used to believing this lie, I’m choosing to think differently now”, then redirect it to something more useful. “They’re doing the best they can”. “Life is hard for everyone, and we all handle it differently”. “Being a human is hard”. “I get why they are the way they are”.
So let’s recap quickly on today’s lesson.
- The circumstance is always neutral and isn’t a problem until you have a thought about it.
- Thoughts create feelings
- Feelings drive actions
- Actions produce results
If you want the results in your life to be ones that bring peace and love, then we have to start with your brain. You have work to do on your thoughts.
It’s time to close that super-highway down in your brain and create a new neural pathway. One that serves you and helps you become your highest self.
It’s time to change the story in your brain. You know the one. The one you’ve been playing over and over and over again. “When you focus on the positive stories, you raise your energy, elevate your presence, and even boost your immune system to keep you feeling physically strong. Positive stories make you feel good. In the presence of feeling good, you are powerful.” – Gabriella Bernstein – When you dwell in an energy of positivity and power, you become a magnet for miracles. Here’s what that might feel like in your body..breathing easily, words come to you without overthinking, feeling genuinely confident, and people resonating with your energy. You’ll feel safe, calm, and in the flow with whatever is happening around you. Being out of alignment will make you feel stuck, weak, tired, anxious, and annoyed. Disconnected from everyone. Which would you rather feel? Having awareness will help you realign in an instant.
If you’re truly ready for some help, and want to take this even further, let’s jump on a coaching call together. I can help you find the thoughts that are causing you problems.
I also have a webinar coming up (feb 19th -21st 2020) entitled “What to do when your life feels crazy”. I’ll be going even further into this topic to help you understand it better, so get yourself registered.
Good Luck My Friend!